Mmm. So after three people ask me about it on MSN, I think it's about time I evict it from my personal message and put it in a Blog, so anyone (all nil of you who read this) can see what it means and why I made it.

 

And, of course, why each thing on it is on it.

 

1. Dodo Internet. I could go on, but it boils down to the fact that when one is paying $49.9 per month for a high-speed, always-on internet connection, one should be receiving a high-speed, always-on internet connection. Yes? No? Totally out of the question? Well, one thing I know for sure is that one should NOT be receiving an unreliable, bug-ridden, unpredictable internet connection that ranges from 512kbps connection to 28.8kbps connection. That's not right. It's not good. So expect to see me flaming Dodo pretty severely tomorrow morning.

 

2. David. I've flamed this guy before in an older Blog. I'm not going to waste both our time (yours and mine) going over it again.

 

3. Rachel. Same again. David and her are long-standing members of my Death List.

 

4. My computer. Potentially unfixable systemic error, unpredictably causing the computer not to load Windows. Enough said; I need either a new computer or, failing that, a new everything inside my computer. Then the old one can Die, Die, Die.

 

5. The oven. Yeah. It needs to die. It flames anyone who tries to light it, it's old and rusty and might harbour mice and I swear it leaks gas. It needs to die. But, seeing as how us poor uni students don't have $1000 or whatever it takes to buy and install a new oven just floating around, we're stuck with it.

 

6. M.S.N. Oh yes. Believe it. MSN needs a good killing. MSN 5 was so reliable, so steady, so calm. It's only gone downhill since then... And when Windows allows MSN to stop programs from opening, causing you to have to restart the computer, you know there's something seriously wrong going on.

 

7. Joe. This man was... the beginning of my Death List. And even though I haven't seen him in years and years, he's still on it, for old times' sake. Die Joe, die.

 

And what's funny? I don't hate any of them. No, not even Joe. You don't believe me? Try me. But that's enough for tonight. Until next time, rated readers, good night.

And who am I to ignore it? But... I'm just going to put a spin on it, in that I'm not actually adding some form of V for Vendetta quote to my MSN name. I just saw the movie last night, and I liked it. A lot. But still...

So, to follow this seeming zeitgeist of V, I'm going to put forward a few choice quotations here in my Blog. Don't worry, these generally come from early in the movie, and won't spoil anything for you.

"Artists use lies to tell the truth. Politicians use lies to cover the truth up".

"Are you going to kill me now?" "I killed you ten minutes ago..."

"Remember remember the fifth of November, the gunpowder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot".

And, of course, the champion quoteable quote of all:

"Viola! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi now vacant; vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition!" <Does flashy slashy stuff with knives> "The only verdict is vengeance, a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Hehehe. Verily, this vicious swirl of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honour to meet you and you may call me V".

Oh yes, my renovated readers, Azukar has his badge back. He's got rhythm, he's got music, and he's EMPLOYED! And ain't that just a relief... Watch as he dons the Uniform of Belonging! Marvel at his witty customer repartee! Gasp in awe as he effortlessly navigates the treacherous waters of the Back Dock of Doom! And ask him in a slightly petulant voice about Our Special Deals for Senior Citizens on Tuesdays.

 

Well, I'm off. I've got to put a shine on the ol' Name Badge, clean the shoes til they squeak (and evict the mice from them), practice the disarming smile, and tune up all those other little things that must be done to ensure a Positive Shopping Experience for one and all...

 

Bleh. Then, once I've done all that, I'll wash my mouth out with sulphur, remind myself that I'm not working until next Wednesday, and reiterate that I'm working solely for the money. Oh money, how I've missed you. Come to Papa, that's the way.

I must have something on my mind; these usually pointless and time-wasting Blogs are getting deeper and deeper. And only one person in the whole world knows the full story, isn't that sad? Even if one other person knows most of the story, and a few people know a fair bit of it. I need to get out more. Or... well... you know. Bleh. I need to sleep on this.

Well, there had to be a post-clubbing Blog, but that's as far as it's going to go. There's just too much to tell, and... you'll probably want to ask questions and... Yeah. Ask me.

Okay, that's a little unfair. I moved out of home because commuting would have been hell to and from CSU, but...

 

Bleh. I've been home for merely one day, and already I can't wait to get out of here again. I mean, parents have their uses, but constantly criticising my hair, my clothes, my lifestyle choices, my career, my spend/save ratio and my friends are not among them. Nor is questioning whether or not I'm eating healthily. Nor is asking whether I'm financially okay. Nor is repeating overly obvious statements, three times a day. "Oh, you know it's not cool to have bulging pockets". "Yes, I know. I'm only taking one phone, and the mini-wallet". "You know you will need cash, right?" "Yes, I have cash. I'm not even taking a bank card". "You know you'll be cold down there". "Yes, I know. That's why I'm wearing an extra layer, and dosing up on vitamins before I go". Et cetra, ad infinitum.

 

And that's only today. Sure, parents don't want to see their children in the way of harm, but on the other hand, I am independent now. I would like to be able to make my own choices, and even if that means I end up face down in the dirt, so be it. At least it'll be my choices that led me that way.

 

Honestly. I. Make. My. Own. Choices. Asking. Is. All. Well. And. Good. But. Obsessing. Is. Not.

 

But... Can I say this? No. No, because (as any child of an overprotective parent knows) it will fall on deaf ears. So I think I'll be heading back to Bathurst as soon as I can. There's a certain type of parent that's best viewed from a distance.

 

Harsh? Yeah, I know. I'm a harsh person; that's life. Just don't accuse me of being untruthful; I write this because I can't say it. Immature? No. There's a dividing line, and I know where I stand.

I've long considered whether or not I want to change my name. My surname, anyway. It's a long and complicated story, but basically boils down to the fact that I don't really know the man whose surname I carry, and even my mum has changed hers. And given that I don't actually like my surname, it almost seems to make sense to change it to something more relevent to me and my life. In particular, I'm thinking about chopping off my surname, and replacing it with what is currently my middle name, making me Joel Alexander. It's no big deal; the name "Hall" means nothing to me or anybody in my family. I don't know about you, but I like it. And it means that I'm actually bearing a name that the parents who raised me gave me, when Mr. Hall, wherever he is, did not.

 

So I tried, out of boredom and curiosity, typing my name as it stands into Google search to see what came up. It turns out there's a Joel Hall running about in America as a known sex offender, a Joel Hall dance studio, a Joel Hall who features in some kind of gay and lesbian hall of fame (what the...), a Joel Hall who is a golfer, and so on. What an ominous name to bear, given that I'm going to be a teacher one day.

 

Then I tried Joel Alexander. The first link that came up was a reformed criminal, which wasn't the best start, but then the really interesting links started rolling in. There's a Joel Alexander doctor of psychology, a family services agent, a medical doctor, an opera singer, a high court judge, a psychology lecturer, a pianist, and a director of the Undergraduate Division in the Department of Endodontics.

 

Now, I don't know what endodontics is as a field of study, but I kinda like the latter name better than the former. And notice the undercurrent of teaching-related links in the second name? I think it's a sign. Not to mention all the psychology references, which is an interest of mine, and the high court judge, which is a nice extra. I think my mind is made up. All I need to do now is justify the $125 is takes to get an official change of name Deed Poll, and I'll be Azukar Alexander before you know it.

Here's the checklist:

 

PDHPE assignment: done and done. 6000 words later, that is, and I'm feeling fine.

 

Holidays: effectively here. I'm on holidays as of 9:50am today, and the time between then and now is either sleeping or mentoring, neither of which I can count as work

 

Workload: Nil. I'm having time off now until Monday or Tuesday, and nothing short of a terrible pronouncement can change that. MY holidays! MINE! Back away!

 

Mood: Damned happy, all things considered.

I think this is going to be an incredibly empty Blog, so you guys need to fill it out a little. Comment if you read this, even if it's at the level of "I read it, now bugger off". Three dot points to describe my week to come:

 

1) I go on holidays on Wednesday. This is a good thing.

 

2) Before I go on holidays on Wednesday, I must hand in (complete) a 5500 word assignment on the manipulation of objects. This is not a good thing.

 

3) I may be less than totally available during the second week of the holidays. This is good for me, and can be either good, bad or neutral for you. I don't mind, you can pick. Add it to the comment, when you comment. Because you will comment.

 

One dot point to describe this weekend, and next weekend.

 

1)  BM/S, 1/3+, 9.55/x, 0300/y, 0/z (hopeful), 8/6000+ (thus Cz > 0). Sound good to you? It sounds pretty damned awesome to me.

Oh yes, my relational readers, Azukar has, once and for all, answered the eternal question of, "How does one get up to $600 wirth of phone, for only $199?"

 

Wonder no more, for yours truly has answered it, and the answer is, "With a perfect blend of guile, bartering, lies, deceit and devious psychology". And what's more, oh readers, it was perfectly legal... Stick around for another parapgraph or so, and I shall explain all...

 

So. Step 1. Azukar decides he isn't going to buy the bloody phone. See below, the Blog is called "Dies Irae est fabula", which roughly means "Judgement Day has passed". The following week, he receives an enourmous wad of junk mail in the letterbox. Among the papers in a Dick Smith ad. Guess which phone has just come out in Prepaid form? You guessed it.

 

Step 2. $300 isn't bad for a phone, and in fact I was going to bite the bullet and buy it from Optus at that price. Downside? Optus doesn't do prepaid V3s, because of marketting, logistics, etc. Don't ask; I don't know. BUT. Vodafone does, Telstra does, and Virgin does. The V3, at $299 on prepaid, that is. So if you can judge your voice intonation, pitch and inflection right, and declare that you are going to get the V3 from Optus for $249, or they will have lost a "valued" customer, and they decide to give you the phone for $249, with a complimentary $50 prepaid credit recharge card, you'd be more or less in my situation. Isn't that just great? So move on, Nokia 3220, and face the competition as you go.

 

It is positively undeniable: I have mastered the game. Anyone who wants to bask in my reflected glory, reflected all the more from my new silver V3, need only leave a comment, and I shall send a small portion of reflected glory to you immediately

 

 For the three people who advised me not to buy the phone earlier (once again, you know who you are), well, know that I could not have done it without you. I'd've been $300 out of pocket, and quite upset. Instead, once I sell the old phone, I'll only have really spent $100, for the best-looking and highly functionable phone around.

Oh yes, my revolutionary readers, Azukar is in the dark no longer. He has been enlightened, he has indeed seen the light and saw that it was GOOD!

 

For those who couldn't wade through that crap, my bedroom light has finally been fixed. We got the new fridge delivered today (hooray, a fridge that doesn't leak!) and while showing the people around the house, I happened to mention that the lgiht fixing was inexplicably busted. And I mean inexplicably. I'd even been up into the roof looking at it, and I knew the connection was fine. But still the light would not, well... Light.

 

So Mr. He-Who-Really-Does-Know-Everything-About-Everything-Electric stands up on a chair, touches the globe, and flicks on the switch.And, said he, Let There Be Light!  And there was! Suddenly there was light, and I did look upon it and saw that it was good. But I'm repeating myself, so I'll press on.

 

What did he do? I don't know. He didn't twist nor turn the globe, he didn't push nor prod it, all he really did was touch it. Magic, one might think, and they would be somewhat right. All magic really is is knowing something that the other person doesn't. So I am in the light again.

 

In other news, I'm FED UP with MSN. Seriously! Spaces are refusing to open, emails refuse to materialise, and even MSN itself vanishes from before my very eyes! Is it my connection? Well, partially, because Dodo is also causing me major headaches at the moment, but not entirely. Is it my computer? No, although it's getting old it can't really call specific programs to murder, so I can cross that out. Which means that the corporation itself is buggered. Which sucks, because I'm just really starting to get into this Blogging thing-o, and would like to see it continue, not to mention the Blogs of four other people (who should know who they are).

 

So, with fingers crossed, hands clasped in prayer, rabbit's foot clutched, chicken ceremonially slaughtered and offerings duly offered, I pray to any god that cares to listen that this Blog finds its way to the server. Otherwise I'll be really pissed off.

Hmm. Eskimo Azukar just doesn't have the same effect.

 

Anyway. It's gone cold out here in Bathurst. Like, really cold! I had to break out the old Bullet-Proof Jacket for the first time since, yes, probably last Winter. And that was a long time ago... Which of course is the inspiration for the Blog title, because rugged up in the Jacket, oversized headphones on and a Heatpack around my neck, you might have guessed I was in the Arctic or something like it.

 

So you combine... my name, with Eskimo Joe... The artist, yeah? And... the fact that it's cold, and all. Y'know? Oh, will the witticism ever end? Ahem. Yeah, so I've driven that pun into the ground, let's move on.

 

Did I mention that the cold came on really quickly, too? I mean, super-quick! One day warm and sunny, the next, Popsicle City! I went out to check on my clothes hanging on the line; they hadn't so much dried as frozen!

 

Actually, that's it. I should be my doing my Music assignment; having finished that darned Inclusive Education draft...

 

Listening to: Never Let You Go - INXS. I bought Switch the other day (their new album, the one with good ol' J.D. Fortune). Yeah, yeah, I bought the album. I think if you really like the artist, you should respect them by buying the CD. Anyway, it came from my birthday fund, so I'm not at a loss regardless. And now I have a new CD for my car.

Mood: Fair. I just don't much want to be doing my Music assignment, because it sucks. Much like my other assignments, come to that, but after this one's out of the way, I'm practically free for the rest of the semester!

Socks or no socks: No socks. Which is nuts, given how cold it is. Nevertheless, I am sockless. I am denuded of all socks.